I said it out loud and then found myself in tears.  A desire I have, I said out loud.  No one was around to hear it except the ears of that part of me that sometimes rationalizes and refuses to hear and then excuses things as if they will go away with a reason.

What I said will remain between me and God if for no other reason as for the intimacy that sometimes comes with a shared secret.  But He heard me give voice to it, something I’ve been holding onto in a corner of myself that I have tried to forget. I was afraid to do so out of fear that He might turn me over to some desire that would lead me away from His best.

Somehow saying it out loud has changed it, changed me.  Maybe it’s just the honesty, as if by my ears hearing it, I’m no longer dodging the persistent shadow.  It’s not a shadow anymore. Light and sound has made its way into heart of the matter.

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